Our Tailor-Made Parliament

Sir Henry ‘Chips’ Channon, dapper diarist &  MP for Southend West, credit Wikipedia

Our Tailor-Made Parliament

Richard Wendorf

There has been much gnashing of teeth about the clothing allowance that has recently been bestowed upon members of the Labour cabinet, but the real outrage is not that Lord Alli and others have quietly (and literally) padded the wardrobes of our leading politicians, but that the recipients of this largess continue to dress as badly as they used to. Who in the world chose the Emperor’s (strike that! the Prime Minister’s) new clothes? Why does he look no better after tens of thousands of pounds sterling have been splashed out on his behalf? Is there no alternative to the uniform that almost all of our male politicians wear?  The answer is yes, as I will suggest below, but that may not strike some as an appealing sartorial alternative.

So first, the uniform. A two-piece suit, almost invariably dark navy except when it occasionally transforms itself into a somewhat lighter, iridescent shade of blue. A white shirt, usually without cufflinks, and with the points of the collar so short that they don’t quite make it to the suit’s lapels. Ignoring the sage advice that a gentleman should button his suit jacket when he stands, most of our Parliamentarians choose to display even more of their shirt front – and often their bulging abdomens. And the ties! Usually dull; sometimes navy or black; rarely colourful; only occasionally striped or patterned. And, the worst part of all, rarely tied so that they actually cover the buckle on an MP’s belt. Ah, yes: those large black belts. Rarely a pair of trousers without them, and rarely a pair of trousers that doesn’t dramatically pool on top of the de rigueur black cap toe shoes. Westminster lies only a few metres from Jermyn Street and Savile Row, and yet these baggy suit jackets and seemingly unhemmed trousers look as if they’ve been pulled off the rack at M&S with nary a thought about suitable alterations.

This is not to say that our politicians dress uniformly, even if they usually wear the same uniform. I suggest that there are at least four variations on our central theme. First, ‘The Ragamuffin,’ an intentional effort to accentuate everything that is already amiss in Parliamentary dress. Think, at the extreme end of the spectrum, of Boris Johnson, unleashed: the knot of the tie hanging in the neighbourhood of (but not close to) the top button of the shirt, the shirt bursting at its seams and with its tails occasionally visible beneath the vents of the jacket, trousers spilling onto scuffed shoes, hair immaculately tousled. I think that the right word for this affront to the tradition of British tailoring is ‘bedraggled.’

Second, and at the other end of the spectrum, ‘The Undertaker.’ And not just he with the double-barreled name, for there is a tendency, especially among the few Tories left on the green benches, to dress as if they have just attended a funeral. Dark suit, sometimes double-breasted; white shirt – or sometimes with a delicate blue or back stripe; sombre tie, largely hidden by a suit jacket that is rarely unbuttoned; black shoes, polished, but still hard to detect under the cascade of trouser fabric. A po-faced countenance to complete the look, unless our Member has decided to show his discontent with the arch of a furry eyebrow.

Third, borrowing from feminine culture, what I would describe as ‘Mutton Dressed as Lamb.’ Forget almost everything I have said so far. The suit is still dark blue but it is worn as tightly as possible – and several inches too short in front and back. The points of the shirt have almost disappeared.  The tie is not only short, it is half the width of a normal tie. The trousers are also worn tight, ending more than a few inches above the obligatory black shoes. (Trousers this short are called ‘floods’ in America.) The overall effect is intended, one supposes, to suggest discipline, tidiness, and even youthfulness. A pair of dazzlingly white Adidas could be substituted outside the corridors of power, although cartoons and headlines will quickly follow.

Finally, what I would call the ‘In Your Face’ wardrobe. It will be interesting to see if it makes its way into the Palace of Westminster, but it is now ubiquitous in the walk-about, on the doorsteps, at the hustings. Think chunky country clothing that has been pushed to the limit: pattern upon pattern, tweed upon suede, heavy cotton tattersalls, ties that take no prisoners.  Reddish-brown brogues and gaudy socks. Add a pint and a fag and you know what (and whom) I mean.

But wait! There is a chameleon-like sea change to this get-up from the Cotswolds (or, more precisely, Essex). Our crusader on behalf of Reform, when city push comes to rural shove, is arguably the best-dressed politician in the country today. Consider his choice of suit, shirt, and tie when he is not rubbing shoulders with his adoring followers. If his political tastes were as sure-footed as his sartorial ones, we would indeed be in good hands.

It has been said, and perhaps with some justice, that the British are supremely good at four things: acting, soldiering, tailoring, and being sick in public. Perhaps we will soon need to strike out one of those encomia, at least in the halls of Westminster.

Professor Richard Wendorf began selling men’s clothing the day he turned sixteen. His most recent book is ‘Chesterfield: The Perils of Politeness’ (forthcoming).

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2 Responses to Our Tailor-Made Parliament

  1. Toby Robey says:

    Chips – gay and smart. Binky Beaumont, Terence Rattigan, Ivor Novello, Hardy Amies, Harold Nicolson, Osbert Sitwell, Somerset Maugham, Louis Mountbatten, Victor Cazalet, Anthony “Tailor’s Dummy” Eden, Jeremy Thorpe….

  2. Teddy Carson says:

    Even Churchill, and a fairly recent New Labour PM, were both accused of a gay moment in early years. Macmillan left Eton under a cloud. Eden and Gaitskell been described as bisexual. Bachelor Heath still remains an enigma. The Labour leader Tom Driberg reportedly stated that he liked the “ambience” of the public lavatory (not much fun for those who go in for their intended purpose). About one in 10 of MPs recently elected are homosexual (Pink News).
    We “lead the world” apparently in LGBTQIA+++ political leaders. No wonder we also Lead the World in practically everything else.

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